


Survivor's Guilt

by Sumi



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 17:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7448398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sumi/pseuds/Sumi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I left Jess behind,” Matt ground out. “I left her behind to get ripped apart.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Survivor's Guilt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mhoram](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mhoram/gifts).



“Matt this is a perfectly normal phenomenon with survivor’s guilt. You just need to remember that ultimately there isn’t anything you could’ve done.”

They said he couldn’t blame himself for everyone’s death and Matt knew that. Everyone’s death wasn’t his fault but the same couldn’t be said for Jessica and Emily. He had a chance to save Em. All Matt needed to do was reach down and try to pull her to safety. Instead, Matt lept to safety and left Emily to fall to her death.

Then there was Jessica. He saw that _thing_ and panicked, leaving Jessica on the ground and at the mercy of whatever the fuck happened to be chasing them. Even after hearing her screams, Matt didn’t turn back. He just let it happen.

He glanced back at Jess just for a second and saw her jaw _literally_ ripped off.

The police said it was all Josh’s fault. Based on the evidence it was a prank gone wrong but Matt knew better. Something lived in those mines. It hunted all of them, killed Jess before Matt’s very eyes, and nearly did the same to him.

Matt knew Josh couldn’t have a hand in such a thing. No one could engineer such a twisted, real looking fucking prank. It was impossible but the cops didn’t want to listen. They wanted to believe it to be all the work of Josh.

He never expected them to listen. Matt was nothing more than a hysterical victim, the only one who managed to survive. For a second the police seemed to suspect he had something to do with it but that theory quickly got thrown out the window. Matt didn’t feel grateful for it. He should be held accountable for what he did.

Fate certainly punished him enough for his actions if Matt’’s constant thoughts didn;t. Because of the injuries sustained from that night Matt couldn’t count on a football scholarship. Without that Matt’s shitty grades certainly wouldn’t get him in. His whole life was ruined but at least he lived everyone said.

“I left Jess behind,” Matt ground out. “I left her behind to get ripped apart.”

Best they believe it was an animal rather than some… whatever the fuck it was. Matt still wasn’t sure and probably didn’t want to know.

“It’s a flight or fight response, Matt. Again, perfectly normal.”

He scoffed, a bitter taste suddenly in his mouth. “And Emily? Another thing that is supposedly fucking perfectly normal even though this whole situation is so fucked up? How is any of this normal?”

Matt learned not to mention those _things_ anymore. There was talk of a break of reality and delusions brought on by the stress of the incident. He became tightlipped, letting them believe it was animals who tore Jess apart rather than whatever the hell it was.

Anything else the therapist said went in one ear and right out the other. Matt didn’t want to listen anymore. Tuning them out seemed like the best way to get through the rest of this appointment.

“... Matt is 10:00AM next week all right for you?”

He gave a shrug, not caring that he’d been previously dazing out. “Yeah, I guess.”

“I’ll see you then.”

Slowly he left and walked to the car where his mother waited for him.

Matt never felt better after therapy. If anything, he felt worse but his parents insisted he needed it to help with the trauma. No amount of therapy would erase the memories Matt had of being dragged through the mines and nearly losing his life. 

The flare gun turned out to be the thing to save his life. Maybe if Emily had it, she would’ve made it instead of him.

“Matt, honey I asked you how therapy was.”

He blinked and looked at his mother. “Fine.”

“Just fine?”

“Yeah, talking about my feelings every fucking week is the greatest experience ever. I can’t wait to do it again.”

His mom didn’t respond after that. She probably didn’t know what to say. Matt felt guilty for snapping at her but he was always angry. Sometimes, it just came out during inopportune moments. Like now.

When the house came into view Matt felt a sigh of relief. He didn’t really leave the house except for therapy. Another reason why college isn't possible. Matt tried to sign up for some classes at the community college but he couldn’t even manage that.

Constant thoughts of Emily, Jess, and the rest of Matt’s friends wouldn’t leave his mind. It was all he could think about. It made it impossible to focus on school.

“I’ll call you down when dad is done with dinner, okay?”

Matt nodded before heading back up to his room. For a second Matt thought he saw the gleam of sharp, white teeth flashing in the dark and then a low growling sound. Quickly Matt fumbled for the light switch.Only when light filled the room did the panic lessen.

He hated the dark since the night at the Washington’s lodge. It was fucking embarrassing but a night light became a necessity in his life again. Matt really couldn’t sleep anyway but the light helped a significant amount. Provided Matt with a false sense of security-- as if that meant anything anymore.

The comfortable bed did a poor job at lulling Matt into any decent sleep before dinner. He fell asleep but woke up, screaming Emily’s name. Automatically Matt’s eyes flicked to the turned down picture on the nightstand.

It was a picture of him and Emily taken a few weeks before that night on the mountain. They looked happy, a feeling Matt couldn’t remember fucking feeling. He hadn’t been happy in a long time.

For a split second Matt had the urge to reach out and lift up the picture. His fingers just brushed the back of the frame before Matt lost his nerve. He couldn’t look at the picture of them; not yet.

“Matt, dinner!”

The shout from downstairs forced Matt completely awake. He rolled out of bed, wondering if he’d ever be able to even so much as look at a picture of Emily again.

At this rate is seemed like he’d never be able too.


End file.
